Sita Sings The Blues

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The Onion

• Lohan Sues ETrade Over TV Ad
  Actress Lindsay Lohan filed a lawsuit against the Internet brokerage E*Trade over a commercial featuring a talking baby named Lindsay who suffers... […]
• Couple Of Cool Guys Just Hanging Out
  NEW YORK—Cool guys Shawn Goldstein, 26 (left) and Walt Traxel, 26 (right) just hang out Tuesday afternoon. Please check back in for updates as The Onion continues to follow this developing story. […]
• In Focus: Senate Candidate Drops Out Of Race Due To Shyness
  KNOXVILLE, TN--Donald Miller told his campaign manager to tell the people that Tennessee would be better off with a more confident, outgoing representative. […]
• How Are We Protecting Our Valuables?
  […]
• Alternate Health Care Bills
  In response to President Obama's call for compromise, several lawmakers have concocted their own health care reform bills. Here are some... […]
• Sports: Chris Bosh Out For Season After Cutting Open Knee To See How It Works
  TORONTO—The Raptors medical staff announced Tuesday that Chris Bosh will miss the rest of the season after the inquisitive forward cut open his knee with a steak knife in an effort to look inside and see how the joint works. […]
• Universe Comes To Halt As Kid Flips Through First Shark Book
  SPRINGDALE, AR—The dynamic processes by which matter and energy function in the physical world ground to a halt Thursday night as 7-year-old... […]
• Wine May Help Women Moderate Weight
  In a long-term study that surveyed the drinking habits of 20,000 women, those who consumed moderate amounts of alcohol were more likely to keep their... […]
• [audio] 18-Year-Old Demands Right To Be Sexually Harrassed In Workplace
  Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland […]
• Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text
  WASHINGTON—Without an illustration, chart, or embedded YouTube video to ease them in, millions of dumbfounded citizens from Maine to California were frozen in place, terrified by the sight of one long, unbroken string of English words unsure of what to do next. […]